would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
