just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
