Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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