No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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