Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
