Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I wish I only lived at night.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
