We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
