onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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