you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
