i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I wish you could order shots online.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
