Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
