Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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