Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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