Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
