Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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