yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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