Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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