South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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