Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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