Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
