and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Text me some of your sweat
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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