**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize