I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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