worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
