Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
