it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
