Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Holy shit dude........stairs
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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