You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I think my moral compass just broke
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
