when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
