how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Quick, to the slutcave!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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