your parents love me but you hate me
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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