I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
