i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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