[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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