i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
