the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize
