I think my vagina is haunted
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
