I wish I could teleport
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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