Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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