I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
