chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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