My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
be right there i have to get my cape
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
