So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
