Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
