I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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