Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
