The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Everyone says I win the strip club
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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