How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
