Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
