this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
