i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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