i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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