Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
