We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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