i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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