why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
