Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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