If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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