a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
