think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
