she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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