i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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