Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
