defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
