Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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