I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
