Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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