but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
