8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
