billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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