dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I have surprise drugs for everyone
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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