apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
