I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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