her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You are the jesus of drinking
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
