I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
