I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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