Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
send nudes
from the living room?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
