I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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