I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
