At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
