So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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