Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
