piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
