I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
