I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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