I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize