My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
