Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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