Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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