the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I need a beard to bite.
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