brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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