Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
