So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
