No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
