So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
