the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
