Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
