every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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